You see, I have a point to this (this is Pete writing, by the way)
"Renovators Delight" - sounds like absolute pigsty; "Warm and Cosy" means freaking small place and my all time favourite "Location Shot" (normally a view of the ocean, house in Alice Springs) Sounds familiar?
Well, my gym has just joined this gallery of con artists. (Hmm, collective name for con artists?)
Let me explain, if I may. I'm reading a book called Natural Health, Natural Medicine, and it inspires me to pick up my cardio exercise routine. Sure, I do the soccer thing during the year, and I ran the City to Surf 14km like an idiot, but regular cardio exercise - nope - can't say I've got a great record, glancing back through 2006.
So I pick up my gym's exercise phamplet and it's got some great classes, one of which I go to yesterday, called "Body Attack." Allow me to read the description: " ..."high intensity moves, exercises and activities. A great cardio workout...."
Great. I'll be lean, trim, fit, and full of stamina, shortly. Girls will leer at me.
So I'm into this and I pitch up at the gym and walk into the class. I casually notice there are no men. In fact, I notice 16 girls. Did I reconcile this with the fact that it may not be a "Body Attack class?" the way I see it. Nooooo. Not me.
Did the instructor ask the old "Who's new to this class" question (read "Who is the idiot in the tight shorts, slightly caved in chest?")
"Renovators Delight" - sounds like absolute pigsty; "Warm and Cosy" means freaking small place and my all time favourite "Location Shot" (normally a view of the ocean, house in Alice Springs) Sounds familiar?
Well, my gym has just joined this gallery of con artists. (Hmm, collective name for con artists?)
Let me explain, if I may. I'm reading a book called Natural Health, Natural Medicine, and it inspires me to pick up my cardio exercise routine. Sure, I do the soccer thing during the year, and I ran the City to Surf 14km like an idiot, but regular cardio exercise - nope - can't say I've got a great record, glancing back through 2006.
So I pick up my gym's exercise phamplet and it's got some great classes, one of which I go to yesterday, called "Body Attack." Allow me to read the description: " ..."high intensity moves, exercises and activities. A great cardio workout...."
Great. I'll be lean, trim, fit, and full of stamina, shortly. Girls will leer at me.
So I'm into this and I pitch up at the gym and walk into the class. I casually notice there are no men. In fact, I notice 16 girls. Did I reconcile this with the fact that it may not be a "Body Attack class?" the way I see it. Nooooo. Not me.
Did the instructor ask the old "Who's new to this class" question (read "Who is the idiot in the tight shorts, slightly caved in chest?")
Did I put up my hand, and did 32 eyes (although some of the girls really squinted at me, or glared, so I can't be certain of the number) glance at me with a spasm of interest, then quickly turn away, as if they were about to witness an accident?
What they actually meant was Aerobics... You see "Body Attack" actually MEANS Aerobics. So how come my gym has teamed up with my local real estate agent?
I start to perspire (yup, I no longer sweat) before the music comes on, because I've seen this movie before. The scene opens with the lead actor in the dance studio, struggling his way through the dance routine, followed by coffee with one of the girls, some general chat throughout the movie, some falling in love, and a regular championship dance at the Sydney Opera House. Followed by cute babies arriving, white picket fence yada yada yada. The end.
In my version, shot in cheap black and white, the wide eyed buffoon (remember the ferret's eye's from the movie " Ice Age") in fact spends 45 minutes convulsing to the music and dance routine. He is in fact clueless and uncoordinated. No girl leers. Some weep.
I start to perspire (yup, I no longer sweat) before the music comes on, because I've seen this movie before. The scene opens with the lead actor in the dance studio, struggling his way through the dance routine, followed by coffee with one of the girls, some general chat throughout the movie, some falling in love, and a regular championship dance at the Sydney Opera House. Followed by cute babies arriving, white picket fence yada yada yada. The end.
In my version, shot in cheap black and white, the wide eyed buffoon (remember the ferret's eye's from the movie " Ice Age") in fact spends 45 minutes convulsing to the music and dance routine. He is in fact clueless and uncoordinated. No girl leers. Some weep.
I leopard crawled to the shower. In hindsight, I guess I enjoyed it, and I'm sure I'll go back. But I am now going to take more care with the description of the classes
Check who owns your gym....
4 comments:
I would rather do Jim than Gym! However, as I have not found a Jim to do and in the meantime need to keep fit, will carry on doing Gym until I find Jim! Once I have found Jim, can then do Jim and Gym!!
In case Jim reads this . . .
xxxx
Pete please tell us you didn't do Jim too....
Oh no not Pete - I'm a chick doing Jim ..... I mean Gym!!
Well written article.
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